


Scars

by anakien



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU, Alive Matt | Mail Jeevas & Mello | Mihael Keehl, Alive Mello | Mihael Keehl, Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Kira Investigation (Death Note)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:19:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25948723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakien/pseuds/anakien
Summary: Mello is self-conscious about some of his burn scars.(Or; three times Mello is self-conscious of his scars, and then one time where Near actually does something about it).
Relationships: Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River
Comments: 12
Kudos: 74





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. I'm back, with yet another Mello centric fic! Guess I'm on a roll.
> 
> My absolute FAVORITE section in this story is the scene with Mello and Near undercover. If you read, you'll see why, and maybe even agree! ;) However, be careful - this scene involves them going undercover to a sex-trafficking scheme. Be careful if this could trigger you! (However, no assault occurs here). I am still rating this story Mature to be safe. 
> 
> A song to listen to while reading: "Scars" by I Prevail (and maybe also "As You Are" by Daughtry).
> 
> I don't own anything DN related. Enjoy and R&R!

Mello's got a problem. And it goes all the way back to the Kira investigation, like a lot of things in his life do.

After he first blew-up his team's hide-out, he was out of commission for several weeks because of his burns. That's when he called Matt for help. When he triggered the explosion, he got caught in the blow. The left side of his body, his face, shoulder, and arm all got burned badly enough where he became woozy when he stood up for a long time. At the time, he was just grateful that neither his eye or his vision were damaged. Matt would change his bandages and help him put ointment on the tricky parts of his shoulder, but neither of them were really concerned with making it look pretty. They had bigger things to worry about, like their next plan to combat Kira.

Besides, it's not like either of them thought they'd make it out alive at the end of this.

When he goes to get his photograph back from Near, he catches Lidner and the other agents eyeing him warily. That never really bothered him. Honestly, fuck them.

But it was different when Near looked at him. He didn't say anything, but Mello could tell that Near was examining every bit of the wound at their meeting. His eyes tracked up and down his left side. And you know what? He'll say it. It made him a little self-conscious. Fuck off about it.

He leaves and casts those thoughts from his mind.

But in the end, he does make it through the mess with Kira alive. Somehow, he admits to himself that yes, maybe he and Near really do work well together, and that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to be L with Near. He takes one of L's identities, Coil, and Near takes Deneuve, and then they share the select cases L would've picked. He drops his ties to the mafia, allowing them to believe he died in the explosion, and he and Matt get a ratty little apartment in the city only a few blocks from Near's tower.

It's not too bad of a life, actually.

Somewhere along in that, he and Near progress from enemies, to begrudging coworkers, to kinda friends, to something maybe even a little bit more. Mello's not really sure; he's not one for putting a label on things.

It's been almost two years since the Kira investigation, and even longer since the explosion, so he's not sure why exactly his feelings on the burns are coming out now, but he doesn't like it.

He feels like such an idiot for letting this even be a problem. And an ingrate, because for what it's worth, he really is grateful to be alive. But even worse, he feels weak.

He's never really been one to care about his appearance. That would be kinda ridiculous, because he walked around with a literal pageboy haircut for almost fifteen years. (Aaaand that's not completely true, because his sense of style is kickass, and he wants everyone to know it).

But it's something about the way other people look at him that really gets him going. Mothers tug their children away from him when they pass on the street. He hears Near's lackeys whisper about them when they think he can't overhear. Sometimes, he even catches Matt looking at them when they're just chilling at home. The worst part is the pity that comes with it.

So what if his body is permanently disfigured, he's alive, which has gotta count for something. It's proof that he faced hell and came out the victor. If only he could get it through his thick skull.

Near never says anything about it. Then again, Near is even more emotionally constipated than Mello is, so he may not even really care. That's a good thing, right?

Well, Near hasn't said anything about it until now.

They're lounging about. For once, they're not actively working on a case, just casually going through old local case files. (Which, for the record, Mello thought he'd hate because he's a much more hands-on kinda guy, but bickering with Near over clues and agreeing about how stupid the detectives on the case were is actually kinda fun).

He lays sprawled out on his belly, with Near sitting hunched over to the left of him. Near reads the police report out loud for him, eyes trained on that while an action figure sits in his lap. Mello looks over his lap and occasionally points something out that he thinks is important when Near doesn't say anything.

He makes one particularly astute comment (if he does say so himself) and points over the action figure into the file. He looks up, and Near is watching him. Not for the first time, there's an almost soft expression on his face as he listens to what Mello is saying.

Mello kind of grins back.

Hesitantly, Near lifts a hand and traces the edge of his cheek. Mello freezes, shocked, as Near slowly traces up and over the curve of his eye towards his brow.

Almost without realizing it, Mello flinches and flies back, leaving Near's hand outstretched towards him. Near hovers for a moment before slowly lowering his hand back down to his lap. He looks down, and then starts fiddling with the toy in his lap.

Mello swallows, part of him embarrassed and the other part still on edge. It's the first time Near has, in any way, expressed an awareness of the burn.

He looks at Near, whose full attention is now on the action figure he's twiddling about. Then he looks back down to the case files still strewn about. They had such a good thing going; maybe he could try to pretend like nothing ever happened?

Mello slowly moves back towards Near. Leaving a bit more space between them this time, he slides the file closer to the middle and picks up reading where Near left off.

Near doesn't say anything except for the rare addition to the report. Every time Mello steals a glance towards him, there's a little wrinkle between his eyes, and his lips are pressed in a firm line.

Mello hunches his shoulders a little bit and continues reading. _Great_. He killed the mood. _Way to go, Mello_.

* * *

The next time it happens, it's much more of an accident. Near is sitting on the floor, speaking into the voice modulator attached to the computer. He's getting frustrated, because the cops on the other side have shown nothing but incompetence in their investigation, and it's getting annoying to have nobody take L seriously.

Hell, even for Mello it's annoying to watch, and he's been so wrapped up on a Coil case with Matt that he hasn't even been involved.

He squats down next to Near, looking at the files on the second monitor. He clicks a button and the photographs from one of the crime scenes pop up. Blurry pictures, and evidence tape wrapped around all of the wrong things. He could've done better than this. Mello makes a noise of disgust, and Near looks over to give him a knowing glance.

"As I was saying, Detective Thompson," Near is saying, "had you and your team listened to what I suggested three days ago, this murder could have been prevented." He is angrily twisting on a piece of hair, and Mello leans in closer to try and catch a snippet of what the detective is saying through Near's headset.

When Mello leans in close enough, Near's hand flits from twisting a lock of his own hair to angrily tugging on Mello's. Mello fights the urge to yank it back and instead settles into a more comfortable position next to Near, resigned to wait it out. He winces when Near does a considerably rough pull.

Mello hears Thompson argue something back on the other side, and Near lets out a frustrated sound that's a mix of a snort and a growl. It's kind of fun to watch Near be annoyed for once, Mello thinks to himself with amusement.

Whatever Thompson is saying on the other end must be particularly stupid, because in his frustration, Near tries to grab more hair to pull on and instead accidentally brushes his entire palm against Mello's scar.

This time, Mello lets out his own strangled noise and jerks back. Near shoots him a look but goes back to his own hair. He turns from Mello and hunches down more over the computer, back to giving Thompson orders.

Mello stands and stomps out angrily, knowing he's been dismissed. It's his fault, again. He knows Near didn't mean anything by it, but it still makes his skin crawl to have Near's attention on it.

The more anxious, insecure part of his mind whispers, _what if Near will no longer like you because of the scar?_ , which, Mello knows is complete bullshit. _What if he thinks you're ugly?_

What is he, a teenage girl? How dumb is this?

Still, there's a niggling bit of doubt buried deep in his mind, and he finds it harder to make it shut up than it should be.

* * *

This time they're on a case.

Admittedly, he's simultaneously thrilled and humiliated about this. Thrilled, because he's excited to finally see Near out undercover. He's been trying for years now to get Near actually out in the field, instead of sitting behind on his ass while Mello does all of the dirty work. But on the other hand, he's humiliated, because of what his role in all of this will be.

They're following a sex trafficking ring because some important senator's son got kidnapped, as well as almost two dozen more teenagers and young adults from the southwest United States. L has been on this case for close to a month now, which is ridiculously long by both Near's and Mello's standards. Too long, especially for Mello, who's been begging Near to let him go undercover to finally go in and just bust these people. When Near agrees it's probably for the best, Mello somehow wheedles Near into getting in on the action, too.

Near had agreed, but on one condition. He gets to be the pimp.

(Matt had practically cackled at the idea of that).

"You can't be serious," Mello had argued. "You don't even look like a good pimp. You're like five feet tall, and you look like a child."

"Let's just call it a subversion of expectations," Near had replied.

"I was in the mafia! I could pull this off. You can't expect me to play as one of your little sex slaves, damn it!"

"Take it or leave it, Mello."

So here Mello is, in a tunic-like outfit that is little more than rags sewn together, chained alongside two undercover agents Near had worked with in the past: Gevanni, a man Mello faintly remembers from the Kira investigation, who glared daggers at him when they were first shackled, and another guy that Mello had been introduced to and then promptly forgot his name.

Meanwhile, Near is dressed comfortably in an all white suit (jeez, Mello would kill for some variety of color, and this was coming from a guy who's favorite color is black) and with his hair all slicked back. He looks uncomfortable at not being in pajamas for once, which Mello takes a little bit of satisfaction in.

Admittedly, he looks better than he'd expected, Mello notes with disappointment. Near notices the look on his face and the corners of his mouth turn up in a tiny smirk. Rester, another familiar face from the Kira investigation, stands behind him, prepared to act as one of Near's bodyguards.

When it's time to go, they're led to a van and blindfolded, promptly smeared with mud and dirt and other filth to make it look like they fit the part, and are left to sit alone in the heat.

When Mello suggested they go undercover, this was _not_ what he meant.

Sweat drips down the side of his face, and he can feel his hair sticking to him. It already stinks like body odor in the van, and Mello feels a little nauseous at the smell. He tries to shift to crouch on his heels, but the small blade taped to the bottom of his foot stabs at him, and he curses.

"Settle down," one of the others hisses at him, and he bares his teeth back even though nobody can see him.

A loud clanking noise sounds from behind them, and all three quiet. Mello strains to hear what's going on, and soon he can hear voices from outside of the truck.

His heart starts pumping. Finally, time for some action.

His hair is yanked from behind and he yelps in surprise. Unceremoniously, he is picked up and promptly thrown onto the ground. His right cheek scrapes against the cement. He can feel Gevanni get thrown down next to him, and he grunts as his tangle of limbs knocks him down again.

"Only three?" An unfamiliar voice says. "Not very impressive so far, Mr. Wammy."

Though Mello had known that Near was going to use Quillsh Wammy and his inventions fortune as his cover to explain the wealth and to break into the ring, (hell, he'd even helped Near set it up), it's still a shock to hear their Wammy being used for a purpose like this.

"We strive for quality, not quantity," comes Near's reply. He sounds the perfect mix of bored and impatient, Mello notices. Who taught him how to act? "Inspect them if you must. They are well-fed, fit. All three are available for purchase. A symbol of my excitement at finally coming together for a contract, Mr. Michaelis."

"Ah, my friend, do not misunderstand my words! I expect nothing less from the great Quillsh Wammy. Let me see what you have brought me."

Mello listens as Michaelis examines the others, occasionally making comments about their bodies. He still can't see anything, only shapeless blurs against the light coming through. His nerves only grow, and once again, he mentally curses himself for taking Near up on this offer.

His blindfold is yanked off in a sudden movement, and he blinks against the brightness of the room. He blinks again to see where he's at - in a large warehouse, full of crates stacked to a teetering height. Gevanni and the other agent sit to his right, subdued, while Near and Rester stand off to his left. Straight ahead of him is who must be Michaelis, an older man with cropped gray hair and a nasty looking sneer.

"Oh, I do like blondes," Michaelis says to Near. Mello remembers that the senator's son was also a blonde, and he grimaces. "Excellent. Younger than the others. Unfortunately, he's defective, but in all other areas he looks like he could fetch a good price."

 _Defective?_ Mello thinks, feeling the top of his lip begin to curl back. _What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_

Michaelis taps the skin right under his left eye, and Mello flinches at the sudden contact.

_Damn it. Of course._

"Any idea how he got it?" Michaelis asks, ignoring Mello and turning to Near. "I have some clients who are also interested in these types of... activities as well."

"If you're asking whether I am the one who burned him, I am not," Near says coolly.

"Ah, well. I was just curious. If they come pre-trained some of the clients are willing to pay more for the experience. You know how it is."

Mello feels a little sick, and when Michaelis' hand reaches out to touch his face again, he bites at it.

Michaelis yanks it back. "Oh! Well never mind, I see you have yet to break this one in." He sounds annoyed, and he levels Mello with a dark look. "Don't worry, some of my clients will also pay more for one with some fight left in them."

"Yes," Near says, ignoring Mello completely. "This one does like to be a pain in my ass most days."

_The little shit!_

"This one I will definitely be purchasing, even if only to teach a lesson myself," Michaelis says darkly. He turns towards Near with an eyebrow raised, as if asking for permission. Near waves a hand dismissively towards him.

In a flash, Michaelis is ripping the fabric at his chest, exposing his entire upper body for the room to see. Half of Mello flushes with anger, and then the other half with shock from the intrusion.

"Ah, more of these scars." Michaelis walks around to his back and lays a hand on his left shoulder. Mello can feel hot breath on his back, and he shudders, feeling violated. "My friend, this is looking to be a very mutually beneficial contract indeed."

"That is excellent news," Near says.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but I find myself rather enchanted with this one." Mello feels Michaelis lay a hand on his head. His skin crawls as one finger slowly traces down the length of his scar. "Of course, the abundance of scars do lower his value, but the rest of him is perfect. I think we can go ahead and discuss a deal."

"I'm glad you are not nearly as put off by those filthy burns as I am," Near says coldly. He looks at Mello, voice deadly even. "As for the scars, I find them disgusting."

 _Is he joking?_ Mello feels like he's been slapped. He knows he has bigger things to worry about, but his stomach still clenches unhappily at Near's words. This doesn't sound like something Near would say, but then again, Near is acting as a sex trafficker right now. He meets Near's gaze, but there's no sign of anything but cold, harsh truth on his face.

"Of course not, my friend. There is a buyer for everything." Michaelis walks around in front of them again and waves a hand towards Near. "Shall we go discuss more business?"

Near turns his gaze from Mello and nods. His words are drowned out by the sound of waves roaring in Mello's ears, and he looks down to not see anyone's reaction. He can see Michaelis' and Near's feet walk off towards his left, but it's another few torturous moments before someone is frantically dealing with the locks on his chains.

When he's unchained, he turns around to see it's Lidner working on freeing them. She goes to Gevanni next, who'd looking at Mello with a strange look of pity on his face.

"Not a fucking word," Mello hisses. He stands, feeling sharp pinpricks in his feet from sitting on them for so long. He rubs at his wrists and turns to see a dozen of other agents move in formation to go confront Near and Michaelis.

Gevanni stands next, and then the last agent when Lidner is finished. "Come on," she says. "Don't just stand there. Help me free all of these other people."

A crowbar is passed to Mello, and he stomps off to a crate and starts working on freeing the people inside.

When all is said and done, Michaelis is arrested, as well as seven other men alongside with him, and fifty-seven crates have been opened. Each crate had been packed with eight or nine people, practically sitting on top of one another in pure filth. The senator's son is found and promptly whisked away to be cleaned up and sent to his father.

Mello stands against the wall, just watching as the agents photograph evidence and lead out the criminals in handcuffs. Michaelis is walked in front of him on the way out, and he leers as he passes him.

"Mello," a quiet voice says to his left. Mello turns his head. Near stands there, holding a jacket and a bottle of water. Some of his hairspray must have worn off, because some of his curls are puffing back up, ruining his smooth, slicked-down hairstyle. He's back in his normal clothes.

"I'm never doing this again," Mello all but snarls at him.

Near doesn't blink. "Alright."

They stand in silence until Near holds out both items towards him. Mello snatches the jacket out of his hands and pulls it on. He can't get it on fast enough, but he doesn't feel quite so exposed once it's zipped up and all of the burns on his chest and shoulders are hidden. There's a hood on it, and he pulls that up, too. He ignores the water.

Near looks like he wants to say something else, but Mello doesn't give him the chance. He stomps off in the direction of the exit, only stopping once to rip off the blade on the bottom of his foot. He throws it to the side and doesn't look back.

He rides public transportation to his apartment that night, stewing all the while. When he finally arrives home, Matt looks up from his laptop in surprise.

"Whoa, look at you," Matt says, pulling one of his headphones out of his ear. "I didn't expect you until much later. Did you catch Michaelis?"

Mello grunts and locks the door behind him. He heads into the kitchen and walks past Matt at the table to open the fridge. He pulls out a beer and cracks it open. He guzzles it down, needing it after this shitty day.

When he turns back around to head to his room, Matt is still staring at him.

"What?"

"Bad day?" Matt asks innocently. His eyes flick down to Mello's legs, where tatters from the tunic hang down.

Mello unzips the jacket and lets it fall to the ground, and Matt fights back a laugh.

"You look ridiculous," Matt tells him, and Mello can't stop the little smile that creeps onto his face. He can't argue with that one.

"Let's never discuss this again," he says as he stomps off to go take a shower.

* * *

The last time, they're fooling around. One perk of their weird-ass relationship that Mello particularly enjoys.

They're celebrating the conclusion of another satisfying case, especially the recovering of several high-class works of art. Alone for the first time in a week, Mello presses closer to Near, not breaking away from the kiss. He hovers over Near on the bed, who hitches a leg around Mello's backside and pulls him down even closer.

Near's a little too enthusiastic, however, and he sends Mello to crash down on him. Near's chin stabs into the tender part of Mello's left eye, and Mello hisses in sudden pain.

He lifts himself up and sits back, clutching his eye with a wince. Near lies still beneath him, looking up at him. He doesn't really look concerned except for the tiny wrinkle between his eyes.

A drop of blood leaks through his fingers and onto Near's clothes. Near looks down at his shirt and then back up at Mello with wide eyes.

Mello sighs. Mood killed. He slides back and off the bed, walking towards the bathroom. Once inside, he grabs a rag from under the sink and wets it. He lowers his hand and leans in close to the mirror. Sure enough, the taut skin over where his eyebrow used to be is split. He grimaces and presses the rag to it.

There's a movement in the mirror behind him, and he looks up to see Near standing behind him. Without a word, Near comes up to his left. Mello can't really see what he's doing, but when he turns, Near tugs the rag from his hand, leaving his left eye exposed.

It's sure as hell not the first time Near's ever seen the scar up close, but this time feels strangely more intimate. He doesn't move, and Near slowly raises the rag to press it up to Mello's eye for him.

Mello swallows, suddenly a little anxious over the intensity of Near's stare.

Near slowly moves the rag to the right, letting more of the burn scar poke through. His gaze moves from Mello's eyes to the burn, and his eyes rove over it, curious.

Mello tries to turn his face away, but Near presses the rag more firmly against his face. He stills, eyes lowered so he doesn't have to see any of the disgust that will inevitably come.

"You hide it so much. How else am I supposed to look at it?" Near says wryly.

Mello scowls, which tugs on his cut painfully. He carefully smooths out his expression, still avoiding Near's gaze.

 _I'm glad you are not nearly as put off by those filthy burns as I am_ , Near's voice echoes through Mello's head. _As for the scars, I find them disgusting._

Mello jerks his head up to look straight into Near's eyes. He's surprised to see an almost fond expression in those eyes.

"Mello," Near says. His tone, part soft, part chiding.

Mello's always been an easy crier, and even now hot, angry tears well up in his eyes. He turns away again, even more embarrassed than before.

"What are you concerned about, exactly?" Near says.

Mello doesn't say anything, too afraid to say anything for fear of choking up. Damn, he absolutely hates showing weakness like this.

As if he were reading his mind, Near says, "Are you afraid of me seeing you as weak? As an unpleasant reminder of the investigation that claimed our mentor? Or, afraid of me seeing you as unattractive, even?" Mello freezes. In the mirror, he sees Near's satisfied smile. "Oh, so it is the latter. Interesting."

"Interesting?" Mello snaps, whipping his head around so quickly that Near's hand with the rag bumps back. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't mean anything negative by that," Near says calmly. When Mello doesn't immediately respond, he brings the rag back to his cheek, though the blood has long since stopped flowing. "It was merely an observation."

Mello feels a flicker of anger run down his spine. He jerks back, but Near reaches out with his other hand to grab his wrist with more force than expected.

"Come now, Mello, you really don't think so low of me as that." Near says it quietly, but his eyes burn bright, intense. "I don't think that now, nor when I first saw your burns all those years ago. To me, they represent your willingness to do anything for a case. I respect that initiative in you, as it is something I lack in myself."

Mello stops resisting Near's grip and lets his arm go slack. "Does this really matter?" he mutters. "This isn't even your problem."

"Isn't it?" Near says simply.

Mello sighs and lets the fight drain out of him. Near releases his arm and lowers the rag, setting it on the bathroom counter.

"I noticed your reaction to a specific phrase I said during our time undercover in our dealings with Michaelis. I will not repeat it, as I'm sure we both remember those words well. Know this, Mello; that was not my true feelings on the matter. A lie, told only to convince Michaelis of the role we were both playing."

Mello, taken aback, can only nod his understanding. He's not sure what Near sees reflected in his face right now, but whatever it is, Near simply nods at it. Near then turns to leave the bathroom, probably to head out to one of their workrooms.

When Near disappears from sight, Mello turns back to the mirror and looks at himself. Really looks at himself.

His eyes are wide, and his chest is heaving. Fog from his breathing clouds the mirror. He wipes it away and looks more closely at the scratch. The wound isn't as big as he thought it would be, once they wiped all of the blood off.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, holding his bangs back. For once, he doesn't avoid looking at the scar. There's a warped edge going up to his hairline and down the side of his cheek, and the skin is more purple than the rest of his skin. It makes his face uneven, and when he lets his hair fall back down, most of it is covered except for the bottom ridge.

Hesitantly, he pushes his bangs to the side, revealing more of his face. They're long enough to tuck behind his ears now. He doesn't like the way he looks without them. It makes him feel oddly exposed, because yes, let's face it, at this point he can admit he does use them to hide behind it.

Still. Near's newest remarks echo in his ears. _Know this, Mello; that was not my true feelings on the matter._

Ugh. Damn it. He leaves the bangs tucked away and straightens up. Here goes nothing. Without a second glance, he turns and walks out of the bathroom to head to the workroom.

When he walks in, Near is already sitting on the ground in front of a laptop. He doesn't look up when Mello comes in, too focused on the fidget toy in his hands.

"Looks like we have another case on our hands," he says as Mello sits down next to him. He looks up after that and pauses when he sees Mello's new look. He blinks once, mouth hanging open for a moment, before he smiles instead. He doesn't say anything about it, only pulls the laptop closer to Mello and gestures with one hand toward it. "Catch up."

Mello wavers between disappointed and relieved that Near didn't say anything before he finally lands on relieved. With a little huff, he picks up the laptop and sits it in his lap. He starts reading the file while Near fiddles around with the toy next to him.

He can't stop the barest hint of a smile creep up on his lips. He's got a long way to go, but maybe this is a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Did anyone peep the Black Butler reference? It’s a pretty obvious one, haha. 
> 
> Also, I wish I could draw so badly, because there’s several scenes in this story that I wish I could draw out because I can just see them so clearly. Alas :( 
> 
> Please R&R! I’d love to get feedback and know what you guys think. Additionally, if you enjoyed this story, you may enjoy my other Near/Mello story, Dear Mello.


End file.
